I have been praying to God for many things….financial stability, a good job, money, peace of mind, patience, money, stronger faith, discernment, money, wisdom, and a closer relationship with Him. I prayed these things thinking that a miracle would happen. Possibly God would touch my forehead and pow all of my prayers would be answered. I did not realize that it would be a process, an episode of trial and error. I did not realize that God would send me up, down and all around to teach me the things that I had asked for.
This past year, 2011, had been a rough year….primarily dealing with finances (hence me continuously praying for money). Having to deal with the lost of money and a lost of income was becoming depressing. Things were beginning to feel hopeless, like we’d be broke forever. The struggle felt permanent. I was doomed to live from paycheck to paycheck, unhappy. All of my hard work, my hustle and my drive, wasted. Why, because we were (I was) disobedient. It felt like we had hit the bottom and someone had taken the ladder for us to climb up. Knowing that things could always get worse was not comforting. Knowing that people were in worse situations was not comforting. Though small in some people’s eyes, this was a big deal. The struggle was real. I was not sure if this struggle was the life that God had in store for me so I did not know whether or not to keep praying for restoration or what. Now that I look back, it was the life that God had for me, but it would only be temporary. The struggle taught me obedience and wisdom. It strengthened my relationship with God and most importantly it taught me to be fearless. Man thinks he has control, but God has ultimate power. Man cannot do anything to you that God had not planned to happen. When there were times that we were unsure how we would buy groceries, God provided. People would give us $20-$80 just because… Family would buy our children shoes and clothes, just because… I even won a $125 gift card through the oddest of circumstances, just because… Just because God would not let us fell. These blessings were to show that I have not given up on you, just trust in me and be patient.
Be careful for what you pray for…God is listening. When you pray for things like wisdom and discernment, God may take you through trials and make you feel like things cannot and will not get better. My trials have been lessons that have made me wiser, given me peace of mind, removed fear from my heart, given me discernment, and made me stronger emotionally and spiritually. The struggle has been terrible, but amazing at the same time. Just learning to live without fear because you trust God to provide for my needs (as the Word says) is an awesome feeling. Once you, as they say, “let go and let God”, God starts working on your behalf, making things happen that you thought would never happen. I am honored. I am blessed. Thank you God.
P.S. And as I type this post at work, I open my pay stub (which I do each time just to make sure they aren’t cheating me) and I see I have a raise. This is what I am talking about. Praise be to God!