The Story of S.S. (Silent Socialite)

The picture above is a recreated popular meme with a simple yet necessary message which is to launch it, write it, start it, create it, etc. When I first saw it a couple of years ago, I was temporarily motivated and decided to share the wealth and post it for others to embrace. The post got a lot of comments. People were telling me they had ideas and wanted to do something with them, and I was encouraging and supporting, telling them to go for it… all the while I was bullshitting.

Because I am a bum…
It started on November 3, 2017. On this day I was celebrating Jackson State University’s Homecoming with my childhood friends, and my new friend who I will call my #HairBae. She’s my hairspiration because she has the dopest hair ever! Anyway, we were at an event and I was speaking to and hugging a lot of people and #Hairbae said, “you are something like a quiet socialite.” I thought about it… a lot of people know me but I don’t talk a lot… At least not to new people. #Hairbae was on to something. Because of the catchiness of alliteration, I changed “quiet socialite” to “Silent Socialite”… And here I am.

Nagging voice…
For months I held on to the name…I couldn’t let it go but I had no idea what to do with it. To back it up a bit, I started a blog in 2012, 2014 and now, and I have yet to stick with it. I hate writing but it is what I do. I write grants and handle public relations (more writing) for my full-time so writing is a large scope of my responsibilities. Why would I write on my off time! But month after month I kept hearing a “voice” talking about “Silent Socialite” and “blogging.” Was it God? He knows I hate writing so why would He keep bringing it up?! I decided to talk to several people about blogging, podcasting or something to use the name. I had someone advise me on weighing the pros and cons of blogging and podcasting. I looked into podcasting, but I hate my voice just as much as I hate writing so I decided to stick with blogging. In addition to hating my voice, as an INTJ (read my previous post about this), I spend a lot of time in my head, and to do a podcast would be very difficult because I am not quick on my responses. I have to process everything I say to make sure I articulate my thoughts correctly. This lengthy process is likely what made me good at crisis management PR. Plus, they (again, I do not know who “they” are) say that writing is therapeutic and I am all for any form of therapy and self-care. Since I’m always in my head, “they” say I have to get my thoughts out so blogging won.

The Lazy Perfectionist…

As an INTJ, I am a perfectionist, but I am a lazy perfectionist. I want things to be done right and in “A-class and deluxe fashion”…that is something I learned from my undergraduate sorority advisor. For me, that means that my stuff has to be on point and that there is no room for error. Case in point, I had the blog post written for at least 3 months prior to publishing it, but it didn’t feel right. It wasn’t “perfect” in my eyes. I don’t even know what perfection looks like… I guess perfection is what 10 years of blogging experience would look like. I wanted to put the highest quality of work out there…no half-stepping. And because of that, I held on to the post for 3 months and the actual website for at least 10 months. SMH. From listening to other podcasts and reading other blogs for tips, the main theme was that you just have to put it out there. Just do it and you will get better over time. Impatient Bre wants it to be better now. She wants perfection and a gold star on the first try. After hearing all of the same messaging which was to just go for it and having to hear the constant nagging voice, I continued to hold off from putting it out until the special day came when I couldn’t hold it anymore… November 3, 2018. It was a year ago when I fell upon the name “Silent Socialite.” I had procrastinated and bullshitted a whole 365 days. For why?! I said all of that to say this… in the words of so many including bae (my number 1 supporter) my friends, my colleagues and those who did it before me…stop being scared and just put it out there.

What I Needed to Hear…
Special shoutout to my unofficial accountability partners. Here are some words of encouragement received over time. Let their words bless you, too!

In the oddly inspirational words of Ashlee (@pinkgumbeaux), “maybe you don’t need to use your whole ass.

In the straightforwardly simple words of Theca (@thecajones) “you got this, mane.

For those desiring to be content creators, like Devie Dev (@datingwithDev) told me, “your job isn’t to ‘make’ anything. It is simply to share your thoughts and perspective. What the reader ‘makes’ of it, be it interesting or a bore… That’s on them. This is Rob’s world take it or leave it.

In the wildly inspirational words of Tasha (@biblicallyledcornbreadfed), “See what you have to understand is all of it is not about you. Some of it is purpose and what/how God wants you to do things. All the limitations you throw out are all the things you can’t do in your own strength. From your own perspective. From your limited view. 😉” I receive!

In the words of Bre, “stop bullshitting and get it done so you can move on. Bless the world with your work. Get it out your head and maybe the nagging voice will go away… Or maybe that voice will come with some more task that you have to do.”

Enough about me for right now…
What is that “voice” (that reoccurring thought) telling you to do? What are you procrastinating on? And what is holding you back? Spill the tea. I’m listening!


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